2.19.2013

My Sketchy Clothing Hoarding Past

Hi, my name is Ashley, and I have been hoarding clothes for ten years. It isn't TV show hoarding, I assure you. I was confronted with the full magnitude of what I had been doing to myself yesterday. My Mom took the kids for the day and I was utterly lost. I went shopping for a bit, got a haircut, did a ton of laundry, eventually I had to look around and asess possible means of making the most of a kid-free day.

I landed on the idea of cleaning out the huge plastic tubs of clothing that have been taking up real estate in the kid's closets. I've lost a significant amount of weight lately, and I was feeling brave enough to skulk into the depths of my skinnier clothes.



You see, on my wedding day I was a size 6/8. After the wedding? The Husband introduced me to butter. So I wistfully kept those tiny clothes back away in a drawer. Every move I would revisit them, weed out, and then carefully pack them away for another day.

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, (not knowing it was twins!) I packed up that wardrobe too. It was full of my favorite t-shirts, cute skirts, etc. I didn't want to say goodbye because I knew I would be revisiting them... soonish.

Those bins have not been opened since then for the most part. (depressing reality!)

I was incredibly enthused when I opened bin one and the American Eagle sweatpants that I had yearned for slid on and looked as decent as sweatpants can be. I squealed for joy when some other items fit too. This is when I got a bit too confident. The deeper I went, the smaller the sizes.

There was another unfortunate reality, these clothes are REALLY old. Completely outdated. I had put these threads on a pedestal- my pre-pregnancy wardrobe.  Whenever I thought of these clothes, I saw visions of... something else. Reality smacked me a bit as I pulled out a velour set of capris and zip up top.

NOOOOO.

There was also this:
(THAT is a peachy-orange striped button down with completely non-matching floral accents. Also? The smaller stripes are yellow and green. WHAT THE WHAT?!)

The dream slowly slipped from my grasp. I was thinner, (yay!) approaching the number on that scale from before I had kids. It just wasn't as I'd imagined it. Some things fit, but weren't exactly flattering on me anymore. There's also the aging issue- I am not a college co-ed. Some of these bright, flirty colors just don't belong on me.

I had to make the decision to let these pieces of clothing go. These were no longer my goal. I just want to jiggle a little less when I walk up stairs. I will buy new clothes to fit this new body. They will be fashionable and age appropriate.

It was a relief to drive away from that Goodwill trailer after leaving large overstuffed boxes. I was no longer tied to that me. That girl belongs firmly in the past. She is a lovely memory, a beautiful girl in pictures, but she is no longer me. And no amount of dieting & exercising is going to get me back to her. I have earned these wrinkles, these years, these weird new skin-flaps. It was liberation. A very odd and disconcerting feeling, but pleasant nonetheless.

Moving forward!

3 comments:

  1. Good for you! I'm not there yet lol the three tubs in my closet are still be desperately clung to :/

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  2. Just think of the all-new grown up wardrobe you can buy soon!! : )

    I keep throwing things away from my closet (it DOES feel fantastic to drop off full boxes of old clothing, doesn't it???), but it still feels too full of stuff I just don't wear. It's about time for another purge, in fact.

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  3. You look great!! We are moving back to Vegas in June and we should play sometime!!

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