We Made It

Sunday night found us all piled in the car, headed home after a lovely dinner at my parent's house. The kids were yapping away, as they always do, at a frenetic pace. Yapping easily turns to fighting in our car, and between The Husband and I, we were getting frustrated. The sun was setting... it was well past bedtime, and yet another school day would arrive. As we were each barking orders to the backseat, The Husband took my hand and gave it a little squeeze. Then he softly told me "You know, I'm finally to the point where I don't think I could live without you."

I made some snarky comment about how he assumed he could live without me before that point. Mostly because I am uncomfortable with affection. It started a dialog, though. Having celebrated a big anniversary, we found ourselves in a very different time in our marriage than we imagined. Like every newlywed couple, we did not know what challenges we would face together, we could not imagine how weathering these storms would bring us closer together.

I'll be the first to admit we've had seasons which I've thought it would be a miracle if we "made it," you know, stayed together through life and all it's meandering paths & seemingly endless trials. Having my husband talk about his deep and unwavering love for me? Well it was a surprising development as it often feels to me like we've been fighting against each other rather than fighting the outside onslaught. I hope this signals a newfound maturity in our relationship. (heaven knows we could both use a little more maturity!)

Somehow we have come to some clarity; Without realizing it, we've grown together. Like trees intertwining their branches, one cannot stand without the other. Even more comforting, it means there is always a partner to lean on when needed.


My mind has been brought back to this conversation during the week. I certainly would not have been the one to say something like that. I'm such a pessimist, it's hard to see what's working against all that isn't working. While I struggle with my intense desire to assert myself as an "individual," I've met these wonderfully warm feelings of being part of a pair. We may often fight about our partnership and all the details & intricate needs of our family, and how to share the load, it's nice to have someone who values me as an essential component of a larger system. I notice the change especially this week. Perhaps I feel more loved and then treat him accordingly? Perhaps I'm just seeing a shift that has been changing inch by inch for a while. I still have my complete meltdowns, (just recently, the spider debacle) and now when he gives me a big bear hug, I know what it means.

Earlier in our relationship, he would just sit and listen to me rant and rave, get beet red with rage, he would then engulf me in a silent hug. I would become even more offended. I saw this gesture as a sign that he had had his limit of my crazy and needed me to put a lid on it for a while. It felt like he was lording his immense self control and composure over me. He may have well been up in a tower looking down at me sneering "I'm so much better than you! You stark raving lunatic!"

Now I know that when he hugs me, it is because it seems the only thing he can do. Clearly I am freaking out about something that he can neither fix or even comment on. He's so speechless and worried about me, that he can only hold me close and hope things get better. I've come to rely on that silent stoic facet of his personality. Until he starts freaking out & prancing around the room like a deer on fire, then we don't really have a problem.

I am sure we will continue to learn and grow together, (stating the obvious!) and I'm actually looking forward to it. To learn just what kind of wonderful man I have caught for myself. I am in awe at his unconditional love for me. Me! The person who fights him on every single subject! The lady who has a full apron of skin swinging from her midsection! He thinks all this (wide, sweeping gesture) is pretty great. Attractive, even! (clearly the man is also blind)

I feel sheepish for not feeling as lucky as I should have been all these years. I've loved him, of course. But man! I am so unbelievably blessed, it's embarrassing. Now I'm off to go hug my other half... and chow down on chips & salsa like it's going out of style.

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His Questions

Little Man, while climbing all over the couch like a rabid monkey: "Mommy, I have some questions."

Me: "Ok, what kind of questions?"

Little Man: "Um... bad guy questions. And magnet questions. And balloon questions. And other questions."

Me: "..."

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Lessons Learned in Green Glasses

I am in the middle of an eyewear change out. And this had me thinking about my current glasses- ie: the reason I need a new pair. I have not enjoyed these bright green frames. They are quirky and whimsical! Which is fine about 2 days out of the year. Here are my issues:

- I have realized my favorite color is green and I subconsciously buy anything in this color. Especially when it comes to my wardrobe; It's practically monochromatic. Green. And black. That's my range. So when I have green glasses on? I get a lot of "wow! You're so coordinated!" Sometimes in a tone which I don't think is meant as a compliment? 

- Another color I wear often is red. Red works with my skin tone, or so I have been told. This creates a problem. Red + Green equals Christmas. There are times I'm dashing out the door and get a glance of myself in the mirror- I look like a freaking Christmas tree. In May. It is unfortunate. 

- My personality is not as outgoing as my green glasses seem to portray. I may be a funky artsy type; But it is buried deep down underneath all the exhausted mom. 

- I feel like a lot of my recent acquaintances only remember me by the glasses. Like if I was at the park without them, no one would recognize me. When you meet me, it's hard to hear over GREEN GLASSES. Plus I have a feeling others may describe me as "you know, the girl with the really green glasses." That's not really the "look" I'm after. In fact, I would like to blend into the scenery as much as possible. It's a balance between not being completely invisible, yet also refraining from being so uncomfortably conspicuous. The three small kids, two of whom are twins, well we attract ENOUGH attention as it is.

- Inherently, I may just want to be free of constant glasses-wearing. Except glasses seem to make me look more put-together. And I can get away with minimal makeup because glasses take up significant face real estate. Perhaps I need many pairs for the different moods I may be in? 

- After losing a significant amount of weight, my face has changed. The green pair is a bit off proportionally. Now I'm finding what did work with fat face, doesn't work with less fat face.

- I want to post some pictures and get you all to weigh in. However I must have a disclaimer that these pictures are awful. Everything looks better in person. I hate taking self portraits. (I refuse to use the word "selfies" especially as autocorrect changes it to "selfish")

So my facial expressions are... well, I am gagging with a few of them. The makeup situation is hit or miss- I put the effort into full makeup once and somehow didn't take all the pictures I wanted. Ugh. So what are your choices? 

1. Big, bordering on hipster. But might work well to balance out my lack of a chin? Plus I super super like the tortoise shell color palate.

2. Slim Amber. Does this wash me out? I think they may be too close to my hair color?

3. Same frame as #2, but in a very dark, bordering on black, blue. These look less severe/stylized as #1. 

Vote now! 

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About Doughnuts & Barf

He had been acting sick all morning. I saw the signs. First he didn't devour the pancakes placed in front of him. He only likes pancakes from what we have found- it's his only constant. Then he fell asleep in the car on the way home from the post office. Dude never sleeps in the car. No, he talks everyone's ears off until we can't take it anymore. Then he yells if we ignore him. He will eat in the car- this is the only known way to silence him in transit. 

He continued to yawn and bob his head around at the library, then flat out took a nap while I fetched the girls from Kindergarten. I broke my own never-leave-a-kid-in-the-car rule. (It was unseasonably cool, I assure you. I could see him at all times! Geez! I cannot cut myself slack on that one) 

He had been begging for a doughnut all morning. He saw them on the counter as soon as he woke up. Sadly, he didn't eat the pancakes in time to allow for a doughnut. Then I was just... refusing to give him a doughnut as a snack. By lunchtime, my resolve had weakened significantly. 

The boy had a SLIGHT fever, and had been hunched over a bag of goldfish crackers minutes before. I gave into his pleas for sugar coated carbs.

He climbed into his high chair. I sliced the doughnut in half and put it on a plate. (this was before lunch had been eaten. A full doughnut would have been too much of an indulgence) 

The second that plate hit the tray, Little man burst out in puke. At first I thought the tray would contain it. I was wrong. He spewed all over the floors, all over his uneaten doughnut. It was a mess. 

I yanked out the high chair tray, dripping. Washed the boy and plunked him on the sofa so I could try and contain the disaster. While I was on my hands and knees with huge wads of paper towels, forming a crude levee system, he was screaming at me to give him the freaking doughnut. He was red in the face mad at me for throwing the puke-soaked delicacy in the trash and denying him the chance of a secondary doughnut. He was so hopping outraged the only way to calm him down was to give him a bath, then let him keep his sippy in bed as he went to naps. (Sippies are banned from the upstairs entirely) 

He then took the shortest nap ever and demanded another crack at the doughnut. After having mopped the kitchen three times, I was unable to put up much of a fight. He didn't dare throw up that second doughnut. He didn't touch his dinner. But hot darned, the kid had his doughnut. 

So that was my day. How was yours? 

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Leaving Babyland

One night as I was clicking the tray into Little Man's highchair he squirmed and told me that it was getting "too tight" in there. He's outgrown the highchair. I cannot say I am sad about this. I hate highchairs. They are hard to clean, (even though mine can go through a dishwasher) and they are wearing on my precious dining chairs. (I am very attached to my dining set, seeing kids scratch it up? Well it scratches my heart)

So he's ready to transition out of the highchair. But he is not stable enough to perch on a stool at the counter island, like his sisters do. We need an inbetween eating solution. I don't want to have the twins at the counter and then put Little Man somewhere else, I don't like treating any of the kids differently. It makes me excited to see them grow up and the differences between the two age groups slowly shrink. I've been perusing the offerings to find the best arrangement for all three kids.

Some things I consider:

- Not wood. I use kitchen wipes heavily, and they are hard on wood. (Never mind the fact that 2/3 options I'm looking at are wood. You just never mind that!)

- Large enough to give each kid ample space. Not only is this important to have enough room for three plates & cups, but the girls already distract each other and oftentimes I end up separating them in different rooms to get them to focus and eat their food. This is my main concern with putting all three together- nobody is going to eat. And they'll play hairdresser with their spaghetti. (already precedence set for this- gah)

- Not too large to take up all the room in our small breakfast-nook-type area. I love the huge open space between the kitchen and living room that we have empty (except for a highchair) right now. It feels so airy!

- The six year olds are small, but are they outgrowing kid-oriented seating/tables? I hope not.

Some of the options are!

The Mammut series at IKEA. Not having a store here, I'd have to ship it out. But it is cheap! And
plastic!

This rectangle set has a lot of options, benches, chairs, etc. But the price is a whopper. And it's wood/veneer which I'm nervous about with cleanup and durability.

This gorgeous Etsy find has me ALMOST sold. It's wood, sure. BUT IT'S SO PRETTY! I am such a sucker for good design; it's my cryptonite.

What would you do? Seems the pretty vs. functionality/fiscal responsibility war rages on!

In more non-baby news, we're also going to get Little Man out of the crib-turned-toddler bed. I can't even talk about the options here. I firmly want this. And it is wildly expensive. So. A run to the local furniture store will probably be what happens on that front.

I am just so glad to be making small steps to being fully out of baby land. I no longer own baby bottles, binkies, burp cloths, and all that jazz. It is an awesome feeling to be relatively certain on a full night's sleep each and every night. I don't have to carry a baby around everywhere- even though Little Man sure does prefer that method of transportation. (carrying him sure is quicker sometimes) Those last vestiges of baby gear are slowly finding their way out of my house. My purse is a little lighter these days. I may have goldfish crumbs on my shoulder, but it isn't the stained spit up that once graced most my clothing.

The last hold-out is probably the diapers. (shake fist cursing the diapers)

And then we will be a kid-house. (I am decidedly happy about this) Babyville was fun. I've learned that a borrowed baby is the best kind of baby. As they grow, I am falling more in love with my kids. They talk, have their own ideas, we interact! It's fantastic.

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