I am being ridiculous. I am fully aware of this fact. It is Kindergarten. It's not like I'm sending my kids on a lunar space mission. And I am not one of those helicopter parents that needs to have their kids under their wing at all times anyway! I WANT them to go to Kindergarten! I am relishing in the thoughts of de-squirrelifying the twins and only having one child to wrangle for parts of the day.
I am having anxiety dreams about Kindergarten. Maybe I am a twinge bit nervous about separating the twins, hoping they will not totally freak out and start screaming wildly in public? I am dreaming things like the principal instructing me that the girls will be in two different buildings miles apart... and how am I intending on picking them up simultaneously? Flash to the image of one little girl standing on the sidewalk in tears because all the other kid's mommies were not late. (and I wake up in a sweaty panic)
It is less than two weeks to kindergarten, and even the smallest stress about school sends me into a complete panic. (My mother can attest to this fact as it is usually her that I call in these uncontrollable fits)
This is a big step for me, (and the girls) letting them go off without each other as a crutch. They've always had each other. Please assure me this will be not be the meltdown of the century. I know this is what is best for them in the long run. But the short run? The short run could be a cry-fest with a side of heartbreak.
On a related note- this week has not been a great one. The girls and I are... having mother-daughter-issues. Everybody in this house is acting like territorial wolves. We've been cooped up for too long, and every time they whine about not being able to play outside in 106 degree heat, I bristle. Perhaps they can sense that I am counting the days until I drop them off at Kindergarten? Because I am. I still love them, but we all need some serious space.
It got to the point that Squirt told me she didn't love me anymore. After I swept up the pieces of my shattered heart, we had a talk. She was upset that I wrongly accused her of not listening, and that was her way of coping with her hurt feelings. After discussing it, she apologized and said she had made a "mistake." I apologized to her, told her that Mommies make mistakes too. Mommy has not had even a modicum of patience. This article, Is Yelling Worse Than Hitting? got me thinking about how I am parenting, and handling whining/tantrums/horrible behavior. While I have to admit, I was flat-out laughing at her "solutions," which would never work on my kids, and some of which I've tried, there is still a good sentiment in there. The word "belittling" hit me hard. Am I disciplining or belittling? Seems like there is a thin line there when everyone involved gets snarky. (on both sides; my girls have attitude, probably because they learned it from me... oops) I do prefer these 21 Creative Consequences ideas, but oftentimes fall back into my rut of yell first, get creative later.
Eleven days and counting until Kindergarten!