Oh my, Am I Standing On This Soapbox?

I went and saw a movie yesterday. To some people this is an ordinary statement. Unless you understand that I see about two movies a year in the theater. Most of the movies I see are at least three years old, and when I talk about the ones I like to my "filmophile" brother, he gives me a look like "you JUST saw that movie? Yeah, I thought it was good too... five years ago." Let it be known: I do not get out much. Unless it's to the aisles of Target- because we ran out of diapers.

I went with my Mom to see I Don't Know How She Does It with Sarah Jessica Parker. (and my Mom got all hot and bothered around Pierce Brosnan) I expected to at least relate with some part of this movie; I have small children, I feel like I'm insufficient, and my kids/life are driving me crazy. It was an enjoyable movie overall, except the cuts to a scene of the stereotypical Stay At Home Mother.

The SAHM was always on an eliptical at the gym, perfectly coiffed. She would talk about "vacation homes" and spending upwards of six hours at the gym after dropping the kids off at school. Her biggest problem was a nagging mother in law and making Thanksgiving dinner. Her designer workout duds probably cost more than my car.

While on the other hand, the working mother had dried pancake batter on her lapel, her hair was stringy and unkept, and it was made very obvious that she was the one who had "real" problems. What is with the war between Working Moms and SAHMs? I've seen this trend, and it's disturbing. Each side looks at each other with both envy and disdain. (I'm not gonna lie, getting away from my kids, wearing grown up clothes, it sounds good! And I'm sure the Working Moms are jealous of all the time I spend with my kids- even if it is just refereeing squabbles over teacups and tutus)

You know what MY job is? I do exactly what the Working Mother's nanny does and more... except I don't get paid. So please, do not trivialize the hard work I do, or the struggles I have as a mother. Thank you, very much.

I do not stay at home with my kids because we are lavishly wealthly! I stay home because even with both of us working, we would not be able to afford the childcare for three young children! When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I was automatically staying at home with the babies because I compared my paycheck to the estimate for double infant daycare...

I have loads of respect for working moms. I am sure it is insanely difficult- on many levels. What I do not understand, however, is why the Stay At Home Mom is expected to enjoy a "relaxed" lifestyle while also providing homemade muffins for the bake sale. (Trust me, the bake sale would be better off with Smith's cookies- I am a terrible cook) Taking care of children full time is a JOB! I looked more like the stressed out example of a Working Mom, (substitute power suit for yoga pants) and I could relate to more of her "energy," I may not be worrying about business trips and powerpoint presentations, I have plenty of other lists going on that keep me awake at night.

How about we call it a day and say that being a Mom- in any regard- is HARD. We should rally around each other with a little empathy, instead of casting smug looks around the schoolyard.

I swear, If you see me at the gym in a designer velour sweatsuit with my hair curled- call the police; I have clearly been kidnapped and brainwashed.


  1. LOVE this post. I hate feeling like I am a bad parent because I DON'T go to work. We're not wealthy either, and like you, understand that it would cost the equivalent of my paycheck to put the girls in day care. Love your pro's and con's about both the SAHM and the working Mom. And agreed, let's just show a little more empathy, peeps.

  2. bahahahaha!!! LOVE it!!! I am REALLY in the middle on this- I work- AT HOME WITH MY CHILD NEXT TO ME- and there is NEVER a break because after theh teaching day is done (with my kid nearby) i feel the guilt of not giving her enough one on one- It's a tough spot to be in- financially I HAVE to work right now- and I feel extremely blessed I have the skills and talent to do what I do from my home with my baby by my side- it's tough to juggle the drs appointments, seeing friends (ahem- we are still friends yes?) but when I have the summers off, it is JUST as busy if not more! I think it varies with SMALL kids- sure maybe there is some time to hit the gym after dropping the kiddos off at school for six hours- but there is also a dinner to prepare, groceries to shop for, a house to clean (unless ou have a maid- amazing) ha! and so there is always work to do- I LONG for the days I can dedicate 100% of my time to my children- but right now this works well for us and the LOrd is blessing us in so many ways- He is providing the way that works for our family- I will say this- being a mom- 24/7 is the HARDEST job in the world- my hubby works more than most so I'm solo a lot and there are no breaks no just jetting into smiths for a gallon of milk real quick (it's a 20 minute ordeal as we argue over the candy isle) and its tough to balance life in general- motherhood is not for wimps! and I think of the proheptic counsel given- how it is SUCH a divine role, the most importnant role- and the sacrifice to stay at home with your babies is a BIG one- yes it's mundane sometimes, yes its challenging, but it is the most important thing we can do and I think working moms feel the guilt (well most do) of not being with thier babies- yeah that movie is probably grossly exaggerated (I read the book havent seen the movie) but glamming up a sahm job- well it aint all sunshine and roses- I try and tell my hubby that when he says I wish I could be a sahd (before he got his dream job now he'd never say that!) but really its tough! this was so fun to read- thanks Ashley! needed a good smile today!:) love ya!

  3. YES! It's hard all the way around, and I would love to see a little more understanding and empathizing in general. There are hard aspects to either side of the fence.

    Love this post! (Don't think I'll be seeing the movie though...the older I get the less I like SJP.)

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Good post... may I just clarify... I was only DROOLING over Pierce Brosnan. LOL.