The Horrors of DMV Photography

I believe it to be a universal truth that each of us gets one (and only one) decent driver's licence photo in our lifetime. Unfortunately, I used mine up years ago.

I had such high hopes when I got the little letter from the DMV a couple months ago that I would not be able to renew my license through the mail like last time. (although even if I could, I don't think I would have wanted to live with that photo for another four years)

I was going to have to go in and get a new picture. So I was at least minorly pleased to visit the DMV.

Here's my last picture, in all it's hideous glory:

The Horror! The Horror! 

When this feat of photographic treachery was perpetrated, I was fresh off the heels of giving birth to twins. They were about 7 months old, and I was in NO SHAPE for picture time. (Notice the mismatched blue shirt paired with warm-toned necklace? The product of serious sleep deprivation) I had chipmunk cheeks from the pregnancy... the pregnancy in which every part of my body swelled to massive proportions. It was a truly awful thing to be subjected to this shot for four years. I winced every time I was asked to show ID.

I was bolstered with the hope that I could try again in four years- after having had ample time to shed the pounds. (and the cheeks) I got pretty fit there when the kids were two and a half- eeking ever closer to my ideal size. Then Little Man happened. (a blessed and wonderful addition to our family, who I love ever so much) And while that "baby" is now a year and a half, I've... erm, not exactly made huge strides toward non-chipmunkery. (I'm still so fluffy!) 

To further decrease my odds of license picture glory, the DMV has changed their picture taking procedures. They now take your picture, shuffle you off, then inform you to wait two weeks for your new license to arrive in the mail. I'm sure this cuts down on some (ahem) impetuous citizens demanding a re-shoot... like I would have done. 

Two weeks after what I thought had the potential to be a decent enough license, I opened an envelope, to find THIS atrocity:

Good lord, shoot me NOW.

Did I really give the camera a half-drunk, half-priced hooker smile? (Eeeey there, sailor! You lookin' for a-- hiccup-- good time?!) And thanks for zooming in so far- that is certainly attractive, to have your whole, gigantic face squeezed into the itty-bitty space. 

What a massive failure. 


  1. OH MY GOSH!!! I totally agree with you on only getting one good DMV picture. Mine was gone when I was 20 and then I proceeded to loose it. So unfair!

  2. Yeah, my one good one? Massachusetts. Of course we moved away after ONE SINGLE SOLITARY YEAR.

  3. Not that bad! Next time you see me ask for a peek at my "come here you little one and let me hypnotize you with my unblinking eyes" I promise you will feel much better.

  4. I had that same too-close-up shot on my license for awhile. There is nothing you can do if they have the camera set too close!

  5. we're not even allowed to smile... i think mine shows chins I never knew I had and the grimace looks mug shot-ish. I wonder what crime I committed.

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