I Was Delusional... Back THEN

Remember when I decided to do something about the migraines? Well I really was being stupid, I can see past me pretty good right now and she was a pathetic mess of a person who had epic migraines way too often and put up with it for far too long. That poor sad sack of misery. Here is what I'm talking about:

(from my little handy dandy migraine journal I referenced yesterday)

1/3- 5:00 am to 4:00 pm (max doses of prescribed meds, no help) another at 7:00pm (went to bed)

1/7- 1:00 pm to 8:00 pm (no meds noted, but I have to assume I took something I should also add that migraine-d me is not good at meticulous note taking)

1/11- 5:00 am to 10:30 am (two doses of meds)

1/17- 3:00 am to 10:30 am (one dose meds, one OTC med in a desperate attempt to find something that worked. I also remember this particular day. I was dreaming I had a headache, it infiltrated even my dreams! Couldn't go back to sleep after waking up)

1/18- 5:00 pm to 6:30 pm

1/25- 6:00 am to 10:00 am

That was just one month. And to be honest, it was a rather mild month for me. I had all the best intentions before of tracking my migraines, but never did I actually get around to doing it until January and the Big Resolution to Sort It Out. I wish I would have been logging them in long ago. Especially that week I had one every day, sometimes twice.

My doctor was stunned by the length of some of them.

Anyway. I started on a new prescription at the beginning of this month. Actually, January 27th. I was very nervous about it, and in hindsight I probably should not have been so nervous as to put it off for so long. Was it a cake walk? No. Am any sort of expert a mere three weeks in? Of course. (well, not or whatever)

Mostly I wanted to make a note of this milestone. Monday night, as I was driving home from Bunny's physical therapy appointment, I was able to feel carbonation again. One of the more bizarre side effects of the new medication seemed to be that while soda tasted, for all intensive purposes, the same, it all felt like it had gone flat. As if every soda can in existence had sat out opened on the counter for too long and lost its fizz. Fountain sodas were the same story. It was a blow, I'll admit. I did long for the refreshing bubbles to dance around on my tongue for a good while. (the next time you enjoy a soda, take an extra minute to enjoy the carbonation. THE BEAUTIFUL CARBONATION)

I thought carbonation was lost to me forever. My doctor had warned me that I could have some jaw tingling/numbness for the first two weeks, which I didn't think I had. Until I could taste the sweet sweet carbonation once more.

I did have some other more problematic side effects, and they are hard to explain. I was prepared for loss of appetite. Heck, I was kind of WELCOMING the loss of appetite. I was even willing to put up with some light nausea (what most loss of appetite drugs often spur on with me. Hey, I don't want to eat because I'm so gosh darned queasy!) Of course, my body is never one to take the easy road. This time I noticed a gnawing, deep pain in my stomach. It's a hybrid of hunger pangs and nervous tummy when I'm upset/anxious/guilt-ridden. At first blush, I attributed it to some other life problems that happened to be running parallel to starting up these new meds. Then I noticed weird patterns. It could still be that I really do have a deep seated anxiety issue with some stuff. (MOST LIKELY IN FACT) But at least part of it I know for sure is the meds.

Even more awful about the situation is that my brain has been wired to deal with these physical triggers, and it is EATING. That's great news for my stretch pants.

The other thing is that I am TIRED. Moreso than normal. I've upped my already alarming Diet Coke intake to compensate and I still seem a bit sleepy. I'm only taking it once a day! I theoretically could take it twice a day! (which I'm positive would leave me comatose) I may inquire on going back onto one of the meds that I stopped strictly because it made me a bit too wired. I could use a bit more amperage these days. Oye. The pharmacist cautioned that this does cause drowsiness and boy, should that be with a CAPITAL D. I believe she did say be careful when operating heavy machinery & driving. (which is why I take it at night- AHEM) Anyway, I can totally see why after this. So VERY SLEEPY. Add that to a personality that isn't very peppy already, and boy do we have ourselves a snoozer.

Wait. No. I'm not actually sleeping more. I am waking up before my alarm, in fact. I am just 100% more slothlike. I move slower, think slower, want to lounge around all day, that kind of deal. I could waste away in front of Netflix all day in my pajamas and have my skin molecularly bond with the couch.

Okay, so bottom line of starting on the Topamax. You may think from the introduction into all this that I would be nonplussed with this new medication. Well then, let me surprise you all with my rating of TWO HUGE THUMBS UP. Let us compare last month's migraine journal to this month's, shall we?

2/2- 9:00am (1 dose meds, gone within 15 mins, no fogginess or vision problems)

2/8- 6:30pm  to 10:00 pm ( 1 dose meds)


I don't even know how I functioned on so many headaches. I've had to mentally adjust my thinking. I would totally wake up every day with the nagging fear of a migraine coming on at any moment. It really was like that depression commercial with the little animated cloud that follows that lady around while she does her shopping. I feel like a completely different person than I was three weeks ago. I am still cautiously optimistic. That animated cloud hasn't completely disappeared. Like now that some of the initial side effects are wearing off, what if the migraines increase again? Yes, I am still fretting about it. But at least 30% less. Which is a surprising chunk of my brainspace.

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