Perhaps it's just me, but if this sounds at all familiar, please speak up.
-Have you ever been puttering around the house fixing this and cleaning that watching your husband play Wii for a consecutive three hours and wonder 'I married this guy?!'
-Or watch him doing something so completely geeky and nerdy that you wish you weren't in public for everyone else to notice the display of random geekery by your own spouse? (all while quietly stepping to the side and giving the same- "look at the crazy guy" look)
-Or as he walks in the door at night and you see a giant paycheck where his body should be? Like one of those cartoony cats that looks at a bird and sees a big steamy pot roast? This probably happens because he waltzes out of your morning leaving behind the bowl of cereal in the sink and then in again at night after the kids have been tucked into bed to nosh on the leftovers of dinner and watch some TV before lumbering up to bed.
-Or at the very least, he's a live-in-weekend-babysitter who lets the kids run around and destroy the place while he plays more Wii and you go get a hair cut. That blessed hour and a half to have your roots dyed, some acutal conversation with The Best Stylist Ever(TM), and talk about.... kids, family, and husbands.
What does life do to a marriage? Especially when kids come bursting in with their jam hands and take over the joint? Lately I've been trying to remember the last date night the husband and I went on... you know, without the kids. And either my memory is completely failing (which could be a viable option at this point) or we just haven't made the time for it in a long, long while. It was starting to feel like we were just the support-staff for the function that is raising kids in his house.
And while marriage counseling would probably be the caviar solution for this problem, we're on a mac & cheese budget of time and money. The solution we've decided on for a bit of a marriage tune-up (and possible brake replacement) is a book I've been skimming here and there through the years... Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs: Keeping Romance Alive Even After the Kids Arrive by Willard F. Harley. (and I actually got the hubs to agree to read a book- monumental)
And boy, do we need to re-focus our priorities! Anyway, I highly recommend this one for just a little boost of happiness in the home, and wanted to share our journey. Stay tuned!
i'll just throw an idea for dates at you, something that john and i do. it's all about making time just to talk and reconnect and refresh your friendship (and thereby your romantic relationship as well), so john and i a lot of times just put the kids to bed a wee bit early, and do something together. we've played cards, or rented a movie and ordered in pizza (or bought a frozen one, or whatever cuisine floats your boat), or we've had some dates where we had something planned, but ended up just talking for several hours. it's nice to get away from the house if you have a sitter, but it's also not only not always plausible, but often times expensive. so that's my two cents; it's not about what or where you do it, as long as you specifically set aside the time, and do it together. john and i have a date once a week. we are both agreed that this is essential to our relationship, and nothing and no one gets in the way of it. it may fluctuate nights (although it's mainly fridays), but we always always always have a date every week. hopefully that helps spark some ideas, but it really has worked well for us. good luck! (and knowing your husband as i do....you have all my empathy, woman.)ReplyDelete
What about trading with a couple friend who also has children? Then you don't have to pay a sitter. That's what we do. Also, sweet girl, if you need/want your hair did, I only have openings this week and next week (sats only sorry). So call me and let me know. Sorry you're having a rough time. I personally think you are supermom. Someday I'll be cool like you :)ReplyDelete
It is so good to hear that this is normal. We decided to do something WAY out of the ordinary that we wouldn't normally do and went to the Messiah Sing-In and had dinner. But, yes, there will always be those days of thinking "Is he for real?" That's when you sit back and think . . ."eternity won't have Wii addictions!"ReplyDelete
I don't think you'll find what you are looking for in a book...if I've learned anything in my almost-nine years of marriage, if you want to feel better about your spouse YOU have to change the way you think about him. It's not easy to not be negative about everything the husband does, but in the long run, you'll be happier.ReplyDelete
“Romance” and “kids” in the same sentence is just crazy talk. Unless the kids are teens and they want nothing to do with you. :)ReplyDelete
I have no advice. The only thing that keeps me from losing it (sometimes) is reminding myself that this phase will be over before I know it. I also realize that I think I get jealous more than I get mad (about hubby not helping out). Most of the time, Caedyn just wants me.