Am I dying from it right now?
It feels like I'm challenging my stomach to a duel with every sticky bite I take of the stuff.
I will not be at all surprised if one day I have a 60 lb. tumor surgically removed and it turns out to be entirely made of Tootsie Rolls. I will not bat one eyelash at that revelation. I will mumble something like "yep... that sounds about right."
Dear future children,
I am robbing you of your Halloween candy. Right now. As we speak. I'm not really sorry. I'll say sorry, if you want, but we all know that will be a lie.
I looooove you, future children... and Tootsie Rolls.
(can you tell I am already scraping the bottom of the barrel? Three days in, folks!)