Pertinent Question:

Is Tootsie Roll Poisoning a real thing? 

Am I dying from it right now? 

It feels like I'm challenging my stomach to a duel with every sticky bite I take of the stuff. 

(that's healthy)

I will not be at all surprised if one day I have a 60 lb. tumor surgically removed and it turns out to be entirely made of Tootsie Rolls. I will not bat one eyelash at that revelation. I will mumble something like "yep... that sounds about right." 

Dear future children,

I am robbing you of your Halloween candy. Right now. As we speak. I'm not really sorry. I'll say sorry, if you want, but we all know that will be a lie. 

I looooove you, future children... and Tootsie Rolls. 



(can you tell I am already scraping the bottom of the barrel? Three days in, folks!)

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