If I'm going through the trouble of making (or purchasing) a meal for you... I expect you to eat it. (not throw it on the floor)
Contrary to popular opinion, I do not carry cake in my purse at all times. So stop asking me for it. (especially in the middle of church)
I need my sleep. (and so do you) Misplacing your binkie is not a good reason to drag me out of my slumber. A fever above 103 or a missing limb is just about the only good excuse for this behavior.
A tiny, microscopic bug is no reason to flail your arms frantically. Finding a large bug is a great opportunity to start freaking out.... in front of Daddy.
Making you pick up your toys does not violate child labor laws. Get over it- and make sure you check under the couch.
Dirty clothes do not magically clean themselves and (sometimes) land in your dresser nicely folded. It takes a lot of work. So kindly stop hiding dirty laundry between the couch cushions, or in the closet. Hide and seek is only fun for you- not me.
I'm sure you are convinced that I stay up late at night plotting new and exciting ways to restrict your behavior. A fussy, screaming child is no one's idea of a good time. Most (well, all) of the rules help you in the long run. Trust me on that one.
I'm not a big fan of time outs either- but you weren't listening to me. Get your act together and play nicely.
The American Academy of Pediatrics advises against more than an hour of TV. Do you get to watch more than one episode of Sesame Street? Yes? You're welcome.
I would like to buy you all of the toys in the Target store just as much as you want them. Talk to Daddy about that one. We'd need (a) more income and (b) a bigger house (preferably with a storage barn in the backyard)
I know the outdoors looks nice. But that is the view from indoors. (the doors with the air conditioning) Trust me when I tell you it's too hot to go play outside.