Code of Voting

So I voted yesterday. I was wondering, what do you do after you've gotten through the "important" votes- like the senate race, governor's race, etc. and you are down to the "District Court Judge Department 30" columns? I don't really care or know much about the candidates. I couldn't care less who is the Justice of the Peace Dept. 2 (or even Dept. 3!) I don't know what half the offices on the ballot even do! I'm sure it's something. And it may even be important. But I simply don't have the time to research what the Regent of State University, District 13 is in charge of. Let alone look into each and every candidate. So I resort to random criterion.

So here are the criteria of voting for the random stuff. (and yes, I will be using actual examples)

(a) Annoying Names:

Names like Suzan Baucum. Really? Susan with a "z?" No vote for you! Another example? Kevinn Donovan. Yes. Two "n"s. You need to drop an "n" sir. Yet another one? Lary Lamoreux. You're missing an "r" there, Lary. Get with the program. (This should be an example for you parents out there. Don't do that to your kid. Name her Suzie- not Soozie. Leave out the extra letters. Because you don't want your beloved Lary to loose his election based on your poor decisions)

(b) People who insist on putting nicknames in quotations on the ballot:

Like Robert "Bob" Teuton. Ok, that's semi-passable. But I'm pretty sure we all know Bob is short for Robert. And if you don't- then I'm pretty sure the complex machinery of the voting booth will baffle you out of voting anyway.
But no, it's the crazy nicknames that are automatically docked from my vote. Like Eduardo "Mr. Clean" Hamilton. No, Eduardo. Just, no.  And then there's Robert "Bobby G." Gronauer. Is it just me, or does "Bobby G." sound like a mob street name? And then there's my favorite, Mike "Doc" Javornicky. O.M.G. Doc? Are you part of an old western film, Doc?

(c) Creepy Flyer People:

One guy, Duane Christy caught my attention in the millions of flyers that are currently filling up our mailbox to capacity. I don't know who told him to put this specific picture on a flyer for millions to see, but it's creepy. He looks like he wants to eat my children. (You can see what I'm talking about on the top right corner of his website.) What you don't see? What they cut off on the internet picture- are the extra large gold bracelets, and gigantic gold rings you can see from space. I don't know any guy who wears bracelets, and I'm pretty sure the reason is because guys who wear bracelets- gold flashy bracelets- are also the kind of guys I don't want to run into in a dark alley. Or put in District Assembly 22.


  1. Oh my, we vote the same! I really research and put a lot of thought into the big races. The others, well you said it best. My husband thought I was crazy, but really... are we? I like to call it natural selection.

    btw- Duane Christy is not only creepy looking, but has a name thing, too. A little girls name for a last name? Not happening.

  2. i keep meaning to take advantage of early voting, but I've been stumped on so many candidates. I'll use your method . . . so much easier! And anyone with gold chains will NOT get my vote, Duane!

  3. Oh, you're so funny. I just might have to adopt those voting standards, and I looked at the website. You're so right, he's definitely out to eat all the children. Scary. I just cringe as I drive around and see the campaign signs. Weird people and they're running our government. Fabulous.

  4. Hey Ashley, We had Ron "Bubba" Bowling...not that's a vote for sure!!! Another Kentucky redneck for sure!!